Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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