Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
