You made me cry and you don't even care
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize