Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
