Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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