and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize