Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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