my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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