Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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