Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize