girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
