Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
