I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
