last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
