He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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