I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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