____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do herpes really smell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
