But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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