were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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