I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
