just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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