If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
