This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Couch. On fire.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
