If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize