If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
