tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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