I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize