I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
