I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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