what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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