Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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