either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
