just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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