I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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