Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
