i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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