he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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