Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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