I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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