Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
