I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
