you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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