So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
