In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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