so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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