I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
