Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
