And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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