if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
