im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
