I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
