Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
