And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
