It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize