How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
