There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i barfeds in our rink
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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