im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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