the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
