just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In America we eat man semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
