i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
