im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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