i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize