wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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