So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
