I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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