So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
