my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
