Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
