I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
