peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
